Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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