The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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