i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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