he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Rumble strips road head = magical
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
