I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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