No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
