If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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