Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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