he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
