Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
