thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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