glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
