I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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