i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
