toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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