remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
