At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
