well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just cut my nipple shaving
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
