I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
