I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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