You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize