God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
