bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
