what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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