If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
