We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bring me that man meat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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