there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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