Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
