So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
