just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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