I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
