Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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