Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
