your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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