It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
