quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
