alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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