sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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