This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
