I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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