Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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