he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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