Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You made out with two different species that night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
