I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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