If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
3 2 1 whiskey
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
