why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
