Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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