you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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