I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There are leaves in my underwear?
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