do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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