k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
