Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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