It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
