If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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