her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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