you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
a search helicopter?!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
