Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
