if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
