i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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