my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
