I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
