Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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