I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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