please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
