I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we made out on top of his cat.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
